There’s a cosmic struggle in progress at my local supermarket. Here, let me show you:
Strictly speaking, it’s not a head-to-head battle – the Good Thins are on the cracker aisle (next to the Triscuits and Wheat Thins), while the Evil Popcorn (okay, technically “Lesser Evil”, but still explicitly described as Evil Popcorn right there on the label) is in with the Skinny Pop and Smartfood, sharing the adjacent aisle with pretzels and potato chips.
But the implication is clear. This is a war, a conflict being waged taste bud by taste bud, tongue by tongue, stomach by stomach, for the souls of every shopper seeking something to nibble during long afternoons at the office or during the commercials while watching television.
It isn’t immediately clear what endows either of these products with their karmic properties. Despite promotional copy on a whole range of products, you won’t find “goodness” on the government-regulated ingredient list of anything in you can buy at Safeway or WinCo or Whole Foods. Much, if not most of the Good Thins product line is clearly aimed at the gluten-free audience, theoretically implying that wheat must be Evil. But nearly all of the Lesser Evil product line is corn-based, and the brand’s Web site takes great pains to make its wares appear just as wholesome and pure as their competitor’s (although interestingly, the ingredient list for Ranch Rocket Ship Space Balls includes “organic onion power” and “organic vinegar power” as well as organic garlic and tomato powders, which tends to argue against the “power” spelling being a typo).
I myself am not among those restricted to a gluten-free diet, so I have only rarely sampled Good Thins (the salt-and-pepper rice crackers are tasty enough, but it bothers me that Nabisco wants three times as much money per ounce of Good Thins as it does for the Triscuits in the adjacent boxes). I have not tried the Evil Popcorn at all – partly because I’m not sure I feel right buying a self-identified Evil Product, and partly because I prefer my popcorn freshly popped rather than out of a bag.
I am, however, a trifle concerned about the way the struggle appears to be progressing. Since recognizing the existence of this cosmic battle betwixt Good and Evil, I’ve been keeping an eye on the snack aisles. And observational evidence suggests pretty strongly that far more people are buying Evil Popcorn than are adding Good Thins to their shopping carts.
Which is to say that, in the ongoing battle between edible Good and edible Evil, Evil appears to be winning.